I have recently (or two years passed) been a sojourner to the US and back to Canada for Graduate school  – a decision I do not regret in the least. This has been the experience I’ve dreamed and written as a goal to accomplish.

Status: Dream being fulfilled.

The amount of exposure and experience gained has been too much to report. All I can say is as a piece of raw meat gets tenderized and seasoned before cooking is like the process I’ve undergone in the last two years. There has never been a bland moment!

People have either been so delightful, you wish to savor every conversation and moment and then there have been people so horrid you wish you had never taken that first bit of initiation to friendship. What would have been the best thing would have been to spit them out at first “taste”.

Unfortunately, I am a sucker for giving the benefit of the doubt.

Another significant turn of this life occurred when I turned 25. I become Executor of my parents Will but I also was still single and living among adolescents who honestly, seem to have it worst in this world than some adults.

When I was in High school I had to make career goals and I particularly remember writing what my life would have been like when I turned 25.

Listen carefully (or read): I would have been married and had my mini-me’s with a career set in motion.

I am 25 years old and unmarried, no career in motion (yet) and definitely no children.

On this earth we are bound by time where God operates in the eternal sphere, without time.
Yet I worry about the pace my life is rolling in. I worry about time running out here before things go…different.

We can make the plans but it really is up to God when He brings in those things we wish. Perhaps more character needs to be built. Whatever the case is, this year I am preparing for the unpredictable (if possible).

One thing I ask, that my parents remain healthy and strong and well.
If there is one thing I wish to do…….Grandchildren for their precious hearts.

Not the most deeply fulfilling post but…here it is.

Welcome 2011.

“I have observed that the man who is given billing as the agressor is not truely aggressive all of the time. Most men are aggressive in the things that we feel comfortable with: earing a living, protecting our families, maintaining our mainly image. However, when we feel vulnerable and unsure of ourselves, we tend to withdraw and shut down. You see, it is our masculine image that we are trying to protect. Whether real or imagined, most men feel that they are expected to be certain of everything and in contril at all times.

But when it comes to our hearts, we are not always in control of our feelings.

And rather than risk exposing our fear, frustration, or need, we tend to camouflage our deepest thoughts by parading our strengths. Beneath the beating of the drums of our “I’ve got it together paragde” is someone who needs desperately to feel safe enough to be vulnerable and honest.

Perhaps men could be intimate if we didn’t got to bed dressed like Superman. Is there ever a time that we can just lie there next to you, touching you, loving you, and be Clark Kent? Of course there is. You know it, but we don’t. Not knowing it may make us great performers, but after you’ve seen a few shows, boredom sets in.

The pressure to perform is destroying the possibility of real intimacy.

Some people’s marriages are just a series of old reruns. Revival isn’t just for church. It is for every area of our lives. Your drive for your career needs occassional revival. So does your relationship with your children, your spouse or anything else. It is time for a revival in your home.

If we are going to have revival in our live life and our marriage, we as men need to find the right spot. Every revival needs a location. Where does the revival begin in a home that has become as bland as cold toast? We men need to go on an expedition to find the seat of our woman’s passion, and she in turn should reciprocate. Ever woman has a button that needs to be pushed to guarntee her passion and fulfillment. It may not be where you think it is. I am convinced that thet woman’s special spot is in her heart. It is there that her nerve centres flash lights and honk horms. If you really want to make your lady sing, you better touch that special place.

Likewise, a man needs to be stroked from within. Unfortunately, he doesn’t know how to ask for it. Sometimes he doesn’t even know what is missing. He may not be adept enough at problem solving to tell her that he needs cotton sheets instead of satin ones. He just knows that is miserable sliding around in this satin sheet syndrome. So instead of communicating his needs, he medicates the problem rather than healing the cause. Gernally he gets high on his job or illegal drugs, or he goes on a sexual marathon. He just keeps lookng for mo’ sex and mo’ power.

“P.M.S” an acronym for power, money and sex. Damadged men run to thses things for solace when we slide off the sheets of a relationship.

It’s where we go when we can’t maintain the position we need. But we don’t really need the money, the power of the sex; what we need is to be rocked in the cradle of a loving woman’s arms, a woman who knows how to make the sliding stop.

Superman needs a nap. He needs to take off his cape and boots and relax in the arms of Lois Lane. But the man is wondering, “Will she like me when the cape is gone?” Not only can the right lady allow a man to rest, she can make a man feel comfortable doing it. He can trust her and let down his guard. No wonder the Bible says that whosoever findeth a wife findeth a good thing. The right lady is a “good thing” to a man who has seen too many bad things.

The plain truth is this: the big guy may be mighty in the boardroom, the coutroon, or on the football field, but sometimes he feels like a little boy inside and needs the soft touch of your loving embrace”.

Excerpt of “The Lady, Her Lover and Her Lord” By T.D. Jakes

I always ending up falling flat on my face. Heart broken and dreams shattered.

God are you playing some sick joke on me? Is this some game to entertain you? To see how strung I can get? How many tears I can cry? Or the level of pain I can endure?

Is this a game to you for your pleasure?

For years you’ve known about this and yet….nothing.
Almost makes me question whether you do know.

Almost tempts me to walk away.

What if I told you I can’t anymore? What if I said, “Screw this faith thing! I want to be happy!”
What if I said, “It looks so much more enjoyable out there than with you?” What would you do?

I know you sustain all things. But are you sustaining me for more pain?

Theres been so little joy to experience. And whatever little has come, was scarcely savored.

I am Ambivalent. Torn between two worlds. Is there truely more life, peace and joy with you? Do I stay or do I go?

Have you set me up to fail? Why?
Why are others succeeding? Why are others experiencing this love? Why are others more fulfilled than I?

Have I not done good in your name? Have I not loved and showns kindness in your name? Have I not given without expectation to recieve? Haven’t I walked in integrity and truth? In honour to glorify your name?

Yet why am I left stranded?
Forsaken and forgotten?

Why was I used and abused, and they not? Did you grant special favor on them and not me? What did I do wrong?

I am tired of exercising this thing…”Long suffering” and “Patience”. They have been overworked. I hear others complaining about this and that, frugal things, and they don’t know what it truely means to wait. To endure. And yet, they get what they WANT! While I’m still waiting.

WHY?
WHAT AM I DOING WRONG!?

Are you truely a good God? Are you really all merciful and compassionate?
I am tired.

I don’t want to endure anymore. I don’t want to fight anymore. I don’t want to care anymore.

I want rest. I want the world to go away.

This place is awful.

Has the puppet master put me in with the forgotten?

“When Eve was created, she was herald onto the face of the planet like a bride who is carried across the threshold of a new home. She was not created until all of her needs were provided.

She was the climax of the creation.
She was the grand finale.

She is unlike her male counterpart, who was created with everything except a companion. She was reserved and held until all things were in place and the stage had been set. She steps onto the stage only when every prop had been carefully conteplated by a God who cares enough to give the very best and is rhythmic enough to know the timing that is required to bring her forward in step with all that He had created.

Her backdrop was the earth. The only thing that covered her soft, santiy skin was the bright yellow rays of the sun. In the night, the moonlight cradled her breast with tender hands and a radiant glow. She may have showered in the cascading current of a rapid waterfall. As she ran, her strong thighs whipped through the tall grain with a synergy that cannot be adequateky described. Though she was created last, she was in no way an afterthought. She was planned and crafted to the slightest detail. He designed her cycles and systems. He designed her breasts and her function. Even her escort was designes compatible and attracted.  There was no struggle to bond. She was the apple of his eye. She was the energy in his stride and the strength in his body. She possessed his same composition, and his arms, love found its definition. She was not left parading around alone.

Her escort was the first and only created son of God. Eve was the first womb he had known. He was not birthed through a womb, nor born in selfish sin, nor shaped in iniquity. He was hollowed out of the hand of God Himself. His name was Adam – prince of the palace of life. His strong, glistening flesh, bulging biceps, and broad chest made him stand apart from all other life in the garden. His long, tailored legs, straight posture, and commanding presence showed the superior quality that comes from being tutored by God and mentored in His presence alone. He walked through the garden as though he was the chief commanding officer, and in fact he really was. Their playground was the mountains, and their bedroom stood by the roaring rivers of the Euphrates.

Were they in love? you ask? Of course! She was created especially for him, to meet his every need and want. The One that formed her did it with him in mind. And God taught Adam how to love her. He brought His two children together and made them a family. This was the wedding of the universe!

And when it was finished He said what all lovers say when love is right and the night is well. He said, “And it was good and very good“. One statement released them and the two were forever one.

Love is far better with His approval than it would ever be without it. After all, He has designed it for our good and His glory”.

~An except from “The Lady, Her lover and Her Lord”. T.D. Jakes~

“The lady is an endangered species. Like the gentleman, her masculine counterpart, she is almost extinct. There is more to being a gentleman than being male.
Likewise, there is more to being a lady than being female.

A real lady is unique and valuable.

The breeding required to produce her has been deemed outmoded and irrelevant. She has been replaced by a more modern, less caring, poorly crafted, carelessly calibrated, and a crassly competitive caricature.

A lady is a sensitive, temperate, competent woman who has ambitions yet possesses class and finesse.
She is a woman with a dream.
She is the pristine prima donna of days gone by.

She is sadly missed.

When we search for the woman of excellent, there is one thing we must consider: the possibility that she has drowned in the rebellion that is so characteristic of an abused, neglected, unappreciated species. The glory days of yesteryear were filled with gender bias and injustice. Unfortunately, the good ole boys’ club is still up and running.

Woman, she has suffered immeasurable abuse and mistreatment, and in response, she has had to become a fighter, hardened to the world that has done her wrong. Yet beneath the mask or hard exterior, there is a soft centre that she hides from public view. She is afraid for it to be seen. The last time she showed it to someone, she was hurt, and so she thrives and progresses by smothering her femininity and burying her compassion.

I know why the lady is missing! But oh God, she is missed nonetheless!

No time for games now.
Its too late in the day.
You can suppress who you are …. but you can’t change who you are.
You were created to be the softer shade of blue.
Many of you are depressed right now because there is another woman inside of you screaming, wailing, “LET ME OUT!” She is tired of dressing up in “I don’t care” clothes! The softness that our generation seems to want to bury must be liberated.

In spite of the pained past. You must open your heart or you will suffocate your creativity, stifle your feelings, and dminish the brief moments of life you have by living in a vacuum for fear of pain.”

Excerpt from “The Lady, Her Lover and Her Lord” ~ T.D. Jakes